


Inside My Heart

by Ankaree



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Plot What Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 08:17:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/795932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankaree/pseuds/Ankaree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim decides to tell Blair how he feels about him but once again, things don't always go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inside My Heart

## Inside My Heart

by Ankaree

The guys are not mine, they, unfortunately, don't belong to me, I'm just having fun playing with them.

A big huge thank you to Fossil and Rosie for an amazing beta job! I couldn't have done it without their help, encouragement and friendship. (You guys are the greatest!!)

This is my first ever Sentinel story, so you've all be warned <G>. Feedback is welcome but please be gentle.

* * *

It's Friday evening and the beginning of a holiday weekend in Cascade. For the first time in a long while both Blair and I have the time off. So as I'm driving home from the PD I decide to stop at the local grocery store to pick up some food for dinner. Even though it isn't my day to cook, I really want to do something special for Blair. I settle for making him my special spaghetti dinner, complete with garlic bread, red wine, and Blair's favorite dessert: fruit salad with whipped cream. It all seems like such a small gesture in comparison to everything that he has done for me. Blair has saved my life, my sanity, in more ways than I can count. I owe him so much more than just a lousy meal. 

No one has ever been able to get past my defenses like Blair. Before I knew it, the little bugger had slipped way below my radar and captured my heart. I could never have asked for a better friend, partner or guide. I care about Blair in a way that I have never cared for anyone else before... ever. Okay, if I really get down to it and am honest with myself, I love Blair. My senses revel in him. Crave him. They are at their best whenever he is around. And, yes, having these feelings for Blair scares the hell out of me. 

It took me a while but I can finally admit it now, that I, James Joseph Ellison, ex-Army Ranger, Covert Operative, macho cop, am desperately in love with one Blair Jacob Sandburg... a man. And as far as I can tell, said man is totally clueless about how I feel about him. Of course, it would help things along if I actually say something to him. Maybe someday I will be able to find enough courage to tell him exactly how I feel. 

I know without a doubt, one of the main reasons why I haven't told him yet is because I am afraid. Afraid of being hurt, turned down and deserted by the one person who means the most to me. I'm so afraid that if I tell him, he'll panic and leave me and I'm definitely not ready to give Blair up. I'd much rather have his friendship than nothing at all. 

In the beginning, when I was first getting to know Blair, he was upfront and honest with me about his sexuality. Right away he told me that he was bi. He wanted to make sure that I was okay with that before he moved in with me. Of course I had no problems with it and I told him so, but for some reason I didn't tell him that I also swung both ways. The damn words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. Maybe it was because the last time I had been with a man was when I worked in Vice, and since then, no guy had piqued my interest, until Blair. 

I'm not sure if I have a chance with him anyways. I mean, what would he want with an aging, hair challenged (Blair's words, not mine), control freak like me? What do I have to offer Blair anyways? Not a hell of a lot from where I'm standing. 

And besides that, for the past couple of weeks Blair has been seeing someone. I remember very clearly the day he walked into the loft. One of those heart melting smiles lighting up his face. I was standing in the living room when he told me that he had met someone, and before he could tell me anything I knew it was a man. I could smell him on Blair and I hated it. 

He told me the guy's name and that maybe, just maybe, he could possibly be "the one". At that moment I knew what it felt like to suffer a broken heart. It was a strange feeling for me really because I can truthfully say that I'd never suffered from one before. As he excitedly bounced past me on the way to his room, I had to turn away so he wouldn't see the utter pain and devastation that I knew was clearly visible on my face. Everything inside me screamed that Blair belonged with me and that he was mine. 

That was the first time in the few years we've lived together that I had ever smelled another male on Blair. It's funny it never seemed to bother me when Blair dated women. I'm not sure why exactly; maybe it was because he never seemed very serious about them or maybe I just didn't see them as competition. But Blair with another guy? How in the hell am I supposed to compete with that? 

* * *

With a truck full of groceries, I pull into my parking space on Prospect Avenue. Even though I notice that Blair's Volvo isn't parked in its spot, I still do a quick sensory scan of the loft to make sure it's empty, which it is. Good, Blair hasn't come home yet. I still have enough time to grab a quick shower and get started on dinner. 

Grabbing the bags from the back of the truck, I make my way up the stairs to my loft. Wait... not my loft, our loft. This place is as much Blair's home as it is mine. Before Blair moved in with me, the loft was just a place for me to sleep or grab a shower and a quick meal. It was a very cold and impersonal place. 

But once Blair was here, he spread his stuff from one end of the loft to the other. And even though I usually give him a hard time about it, secretly I love it. I cherish every artifact, knick-knack, picture and anthro book. They say so much about who Blair Sandburg is, and I love seeing his things mixed together with mine. It just feels right. Like those things belong on the shelves and Blair belongs here... with me. 

It amazed me how quickly he transformed the loft into a warm, cozy, inviting place to live. I don't even want to think about what it would be like if he was to move out and leave me. I know he would take a big piece of me with him and I'm not sure I'd ever be able to recover from the loss and emptiness of his absence. 

With a slight shiver, I slip my key into the lock. When I open the door, I smile when the faint scent of my guide tickles my nose. Even though he isn't here, his smell still lingers throughout the loft, the strongest place being his room. 

God, how I wish I could smell him next to me every night. My fingers ache to run through his wonderful long curly hair, and to lovingly touch and caress his gorgeous body. Mmmmm... Blair's body... now that is something meant to be savoured slowly. I want my hands to explore every inch of him, to find all his sensitive and secret spots that drive him wild. I can't even begin to imagine what he must taste like, both his mouth and his cock. Shit, I've lost count of how many fantasies I've had about running my tongue all over him. 

I shake my head to snap out of my mini Blair zone. Chuckling lightly, I wonder what Blair would think if he knew my thoughts. Would he enjoy me touching him that way? 

Before heading to the bathroom, I quickly put away the groceries, leaving out the things I'll need for dinner. Standing under the hot spray of water, I start to reflect about Blair, about everything I thought of today. About how much I care about him, how amazing he is, and how I never want to let him go. Then I think about how empty the loft would be without him here, how empty I would be. Instantly I'm struck on how much of a coward I am being. I mean, don't I owe it to Blair to be as honest with him as he's been with me? 

I realize if I ever want to have a chance to be with this remarkable, beautiful man, I'd better get my ass in gear and stop being so damn selfish. No matter how difficult it will be, I now know it's time to take a chance. I have to admit to Blair how I feel about him, and soon, before things become too serious between him and what's-his-name. 

Suddenly, something I don't think I've ever felt before rushes through me. Jealousy, pure and utter jealousy. It's nearly driving me crazy thinking about the two of them together, kissing and doing so much more. Strange hands touching my Blair, my guide. Touching him in places that I want to touch. 

No!!... No! I can't let that happen. I hope that I'm not too late, and that Blair hasn't already committed himself to this guy. If I know Blair as well as I think I do, once he commits himself to something or someone, it will take a hell of a lot of persuading to get him to back down and step away. 

Angrily I turn off the shower and quickly dry myself off. I wrap the towel around my waist as I head up the stairs to my bedroom. 

Dressed in my soft faded blue jeans and favourite black t-shirt that Blair gave me, I walk into the kitchen in a dark mood. As I furiously chop up a green pepper, I'm lost in thought. Suddenly, I nod to myself and smile. With my decision made, my mood suddenly lightens again. 

Tonight I will tell Blair how I feel about him, and as Blair would say: `Hey, no time like the present, man!' I laugh out loud. Yes, tonight will be perfect. I'll turn the loft into a nice romantic atmosphere, we'll have a relaxing dinner, we'll talk, and most importantly, we'll be alone. 

* * *

I hear Blair the second he turns onto our street and it isn't the sound of his car that gives him away. My senses are so tuned into him, that it's the sound of his beloved heartbeat that alerts me that he is almost home. As I hear him run up the stairs, I quickly glance around the loft to make sure everything is perfect. 

I've dimmed the lights and strategically placed the candles in various areas around the living room and they give off a nice comforting glow. The table is set, along with a bottle of wine that has been placed in the center, and soft jazz music plays quietly in the background. 

Feeling anxious but trying to hide it, I stay in the kitchen. I hum to the music and stir the sauce that doesn't really need it. My heart picks up speed when I hear his key turn in the lock. I don't ever remember being this nervous and excited before. Using the technique that Blair taught me, I take a deep soothing breath and try to relax. After all, this is Blair, my guide, and I know with him I have nothing to fear. 

As the door opens, I glance up as Hurricane Sandburg blows past me. His backpack, books, shoes and jacket fly in all directions. He hurries past me with a quick "Hey, Jim" and a wave of his hand. Before I have a chance to say anything back to him, he disappears into the bathroom. Seconds later, I hear the shower turn on. 

Holding tightly onto the spoon, the sauce begins to slowly run down my hand to drip onto the counter. I ignore it as I stand there, staring towards the bathroom door. I'm not too sure how much time has passed when the squeak of the faucets being turned off makes me blink. I watch as a wet towel-clad Blair darts across the hall into his room. Without even a glance my way, he closes the door behind him. 

While in his room, he starts talking to me as he gets dressed, knowing without a doubt that I'll hear him. 

"I've got something really special planned for this weekend, man." His voice is slightly muffled as he pulls a sweater over his head, but I have no trouble hearing him. As he continues, my heart begins to drop. "Rented a nice little cabin for me and Nick in the Cascade Mountains for, well... you know." He laughs lightly. "You'd love it there, Jim. Nice and quiet and peaceful. Hey, maybe this summer during our holidays we can go there, do a little fishing. Anyways, I already packed my bag this morning before going to the University, so I'm all ready to go. I'll be out of your hair in just a second." 

_What?! Something special planned...Cabin in the mountains...Out of my hair? Hold on! Wait one fucking minute! This was going to be our weekend together. I had it all planned out. Blair was supposed to stay here... with me! I was finally going tell him how I feel about him and we'd talk about it, just like Blair always likes to do. He's not supposed to go away with Rick...Nick...Dick or whatever the hell his name is!_

Just as my anger reaches the boiling point and I'm about to take my frustration and disappointment out on Sandburg, he walks out of his room. He looks so damn beautiful and happy that my anger instantly deflates. I just stand there like an idiot staring at him. 

His hair is loose, just the way I like it, and the glitter of his earrings catch my eyes. I sigh quietly, thinking about how much I love it when he wears them. I rake my eyes over his body; he has on a dark blue shirt that shows off the color of his eyes, a black t-shirt, and tight black jeans. God, he looks so irresistible. I almost reach out to touch him... almost, but I force myself not to. As our eyes meet, he looks slightly confused as I just stand there, staring, saying nothing. 

Shifting from one foot to the other, he breaks the silence, "Hey man, looks like you've got something planned for tonight, too. Good thing I'm heading out now, huh?" He looks around the loft then focuses on the sauce on the stove. "Oh wow, your special spaghetti sauce. Must be someone really special for you to be preparing that." He looks at me with a small smile on his face and I wonder if he knows that he is the only person that I've ever shared my special sauce with. 

"Yeah," I say. "Someone very special." 

When our eyes meet again I have this overwhelming feeling to grab hold of him and not let go. _Say something Ellison, don't let him go, tell him... say something!!_ But I can't, my insecurities come crashing in on me. I don't deserve him. _You are such a coward, Ellison!_

His soft touch on my shoulder snaps me out of my thoughts. "You okay, Jim?" 

I see the worry in his eyes and I reassure him immediately. "Yeah, Chief, I'm fine. You have a good time this weekend, okay?" I'm surprised at how steady my voice sounds while my entire world falls apart. Finally, I allow myself to reach out to touch him but it's only to playfully ruffle his hair. 

"Hey man, not the hair." He laughs and steps away from me. "Okay, well, I'll catch you later, Jim. Have a fun time tonight." He walks to the front door and as he opens it he, tells me he'll be back on Monday. Then the door shuts quietly behind him. 

"Bye, Blair," I whisper sadly. Dialing up my hearing, I listen as he walks out of the building to his car and drives off. 

Suddenly, I become furious, not at Blair but at myself. Angry for letting him leave, angry for not saying anything, angry at everything. I take the wooden spoon that is still clutched tightly in my hand and throw it across the room. As it bounces off the wall, it leaves an orange coloured mark. Not quite satisfied with that, I swipe my arm across the counter, sending knives, cutting board, food, spices and a glass crashing to the floor. Still enraged, I pick up the pot of spaghetti sauce. I'm about to fling it across the kitchen when I stop and set it back down. _Great, Ellison, this is really mature. Are you happy with your little temper tantrum?_ I really have no right to be angry; it's my own fault for not saying anything to Blair. And who am I to blame the kid for wanting to get on with his life? I just wish things could be different. _What, did you expect him to live here forever? Uh... yes, actually I did. Well wake up, Jimbo, that ain't gonna happen. You had your chance and didn't say anything, now live with it!_

I slowly clean up the mess and dump the sauce and spaghetti in the garbage. As I look around the loft to make sure I haven't missed anything, my gaze is drawn to Blair's open bedroom door. 

Before I know it, I'm standing in the middle of his room. I've only been in here a handful of times and usually it's to wake him up when he's having a nightmare following one of our more disturbing cases. I know I shouldn't be in here, but I can't seem to help myself. I run my hands over his things, first his dresser, his night table, and finally his desk. Gently, I touch his laptop and wonder where Sandburg would be without it. With a small chuckle, I turn to leave but freeze when I glance at his bed. I reach out and slowly run my hands over the brightly coloured comforter. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and inhale Blair's scent, revelling in the musky aroma. I am so tempted to lie down on his bed and surround myself with his smell, but I don't. Blair is with someone else; he doesn't want me and there's not a damn thing I can do about it now. With a sad sigh I turn and leave his room. 

Not knowing what else to do, I blow out all the candles in the living room and make my way upstairs to my bed. As I strip down to my boxers I notice it's not that late. I'm not really very tired but I lie down anyway. As I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, I think of the all the great times Blair and I have shared together. A few minutes later I feel my body start to relax and I'm finally able to drift off to sleep. 

Abruptly, I sit straight up in bed wondering what the hell woke me. I scan the loft for any sign of danger. I send out my hearing and realize I hear a familiar sound, a familiar heartbeat... Blair. I notice that it's still dark out and I spin around to glance at the clock on my nightstand. 3:36 a.m. _What the...?_ I blink and sort through my sleep fogged brain to remember that Blair wasn't suppose to be home until Monday. 

Slightly worried, I focus on Blair again to read his vitals. I can hear him pacing back and forth in his room and I can tell he's agitated. Afraid that something bad has happened to him, I quickly jump out of bed foregoing my robe. 

I practically run down the stairs and forgetting all privacy rules, I shove open Blair's bedroom door. He jumps and spins around. I see the relief on his face when he realizes that it's me, but I also see something else, sadness. He quickly turns away, leaving me confused. 

I hover in the doorway as I ask, "Chief, are you okay?" 

"Please, Jim," he implores, "It's nothing. Just go back to bed. I'd really like to be alone right now, okay?" 

He sits on his futon and buries his face in his hands. At first I'm motionless; my own heart breaking as I hear the misery in his voice. In all the years we've lived together, I have never heard Blair sound so dejected. I can no longer stand there, so I quickly walk through his room and sit down beside him. 

"No, it's not okay. Something's wrong. What is it?" I'm almost pleading with him to tell me. 

He sighs deeply and it's a full minute before he finally speaks, "Things just didn't work out with Nick, that's all. No big deal. I'll get over it." 

I'm ashamed when I feel excitement race through my body at that bit of news. When I reach out to gently touch him on his back, I feel him tense, but as I rub small, reassuring circles with my hand, he relaxes slightly and leans towards me. 

"So, what happened?" I ask. 

He turns his head and glares at me. "I don't wanna talk about it." 

"Chief, you and I both know that you'll feel better if you talk this through. You know you can tell me anything." 

Angrily, he jumps up and avoids looking at me as he yells, "Look, Jim, I said I don't want to talk about it! Just leave it alone!" With that, he stalks out of the room. 

_Okaaay, so now he's pissed! What the hell is going on?_

When I walk into the hallway, I notice Blair heading for the front door. There's no way I'm letting him leave here alone. I'll follow him through all of Cascade only wearing my boxers if I have to. 

As he reaches for the door handle, I gently call his name and he stops. His back is to me as I slowly approach him and I can see that he's breathing hard. I feel like I'm trying to sneak up on a frightened animal. And that's when I notice it, the smell of fear. Blair is afraid. But of what? _Of me?_

"Blair," I whisper. Standing directly behind him, I place a hand on his shoulder, but quickly pull it away when I feel him tense up again. "Okay, Blair, I really need to know what's going on here. Your emotions are all over the map." 

He slowly drops his head, "I-I can't tell you." 

Thinking the worst, I snag his arm and pull him over to the sofa, making him sit down. I kneel down in front of him, and gently take his hands in mine. When he doesn't pull back, I say encouragingly, "I'd never hurt you, you know that, right?" Blair nods his head, but he still refuses to look at me. Slowly, I rub my thumbs over the top of his hands. "So, what's going on?" 

"Jim, can't you just leave it alone?" 

"No, Blair. I can't." I can feel him trembling and I know it's taking everything in his power not to get up and bolt out of the loft. 

There's a long pause and just when I think he's not going to answer, he takes a deep breath and says, "You're my best friend and... and I don't want to ruin our friendship." 

That is not the answer I was expecting and I have to stop and think about what he is saying. _Things didn't work out with Nick, he's sad, he's afraid, he says he can't tell me what's wrong, and he doesn't want to ruin our friendship? Now I'm really confused. Shit, I'm not good at this stuff; this is Blair's department._ Just as I'm about to ask him yet again what's wrong, things start to click into place and it suddenly hits me. Could it be what I think it is? I pray to God that I'm right. If I'm not, I hope to hell that our friendship is strong enough to make it through this. _Well, there's only one way to find out, Jimmy boy, and this time don't be a fucking coward._

I gently place my hand under Blair's chin. As I tilt his head up, he looks at me tentatively. "It's okay, Blair, you can tell me." 

As his blue eyes meet mine, they bore into me as if seeking reassurance, so I nod encouragingly. Squeezing his hand, I give him a warm, gentle smile. 

He looks a bit unsure as he starts to speak, "I-I tried; I really tried to make things work between Nick and me. I tried to convince myself that I loved him, but I was only fooling myself and hurting him. He really is a great guy; he's wonderful and caring and gentle, and anyone would be proud to have him in their life, but..." 

"But...?" When he doesn't continue, I sit on the sofa next to him and turn him to face me. "It's alright, go on." 

"But he's not the one I want to be with," he whispers. 

"Who do you want to be with?" I hold my breath as I wait for the answer. I can see him building up the courage to tell me. 

"You, okay. I want you, Jim." 

My stomach does a flip-flop and my heart soars. _Yesssss!!_ I want to scream out loud but I hold it back. I know it's my turn to be honest, so I lean forward until our foreheads touch. "I want to be with you, too." 

He sounds slightly astonished when he asks, "You do? I don't understand." 

With quiet laughter in my voice, I say, "Yeah, I do. I want you so badly, Chief. " 

I pull back slightly and look into his eyes so he knows I'm telling him the truth. When he sees that I'm being serious, he smiles up at me and I'm drawn to those luscious lips. Taking his face in my hands, I lean down and tenderly cover his mouth with mine. I can hear his heart speed up as he groans and relaxes into me. 

At first, our kiss is hesitant and shy, but as we both become confident, it soon grows more passionate. I slide my hand into the silky curls at the back of Blair's head and pull him in for a deep kiss. Using my tongue, I caress the outside of his mouth and feel his lips open, inviting me in. Without any hesitation I dive in, kissing him deeply, and nearly zone when our tongues touch. I explore his mouth, savouring the feel and the taste of it. Oh God... The taste of Blair is more than anything I could have ever imagined. Finally, the need for air forces us apart and we are breathing heavily. As I gaze down at him, I use my fingertips to gently trace his swollen lips. 

"You alright?" I ask with a smile. 

Somewhat breathless he answers me, "Wow... Uh, yeah, I am now. But I had no idea you felt this way about me. I was so scared you'd be pissed if you ever found out how I felt about you and that you'd throw me out of your life." 

"Come here." I open my arms and he quickly falls into my embrace. "I was scared, too." 

Blair's face is pressed against my chest when he makes a small grunt of disbelief, "Yeah, right. You're the bravest man I know, Jim." 

I gently stroke my hand through his soft hair, enjoying the feel of the silky tendrils between my fingers. "Chief, I've been afraid plenty of times in my life, but the thing that terrifies me the most is the thought of losing you." Blair pulls back and stares at me in astonishment. I remove my hand from his hair to cup his face. "You are the most important person in my life, Blair. I love you and I'd do anything to make you happy, even let you run off with some other guy..." 

Blair's fingers cover my lips stopping me from saying anything more and he smiles brightly at me. "What did you just say?" 

I look at him with confusion. "Ummm... even let you run off with some guy?" 

"No, Jim, not that part." He shakes his head and laughs and it's music to my ears. 

I think back to what I had said and I smile. "I love you." 

"Yesssss!" he shouts happily and nearly bounces off the sofa. "Say it again, Jim, say it again!" 

With laughter and love in my voice, I do as he asks. "I love you, Chief." 

Before I know it, I have a lap full of my overjoyed guide. His arms go around my waist and he hugs me tightly. "Man, I feel like I've loved you forever!" 

I return his hug, then begin to run my fingers up and down his back. Blair sits up and rests his hands on my chest. Tentatively, his fingers start to explore my skin. It's an incredible sensation and I almost can't believe that this is Blair... my Blair, touching me this way. When one finger brushes across my nipple, it causes a hiss of pleasure to escape from between my lips. 

"Oh God, Blair. I want you." I moan. 

"I want you, too, Jim. More than anything." 

Not wanting our first time together to happen on this sofa, I gently remove Blair from my lap and as I stand, I reach my hand out to him. 

As he gets up, he places his hand in mine and an incredible smile lights up his face when our eyes meet. Maybe it's just my senses, but I swear I can feel the electricity sizzle between us. It's a feeling I never want to go away and maybe it's been there all along but I chose to ignore it. 

Slowly, I lead Blair up the stairs to my bedroom. We stop next to the bed and I turn to face him. I'm stunned by the love I see shining from his eyes. All this time, how could I have been so wrong to think that this man wouldn't love me back? I reach out and tenderly caress his face, running my thumb along his cheek. Blair leans into my touch, then turns his head and kisses my palm. 

My hand moves down his neck to his chest and I hesitantly finger the buttons on his shirt. When Blair notices my uncertainty, he covers my hand with his, smiles warmly and nods. Even though no words are exchanged, I understand that he's giving me his consent. I slowly undo each button, and slide the shirt off his shoulders. As it falls to the floor, I reach for his t-shirt and pull it over his head. I freeze when the glitter of a silver loop catches my attention. 

Licking my lips, I stare at the nipple ring and feel myself go hard instantly. I really didn't know he wore it anymore and I'm surprised at the effect it has on me. Fascinated, I reach out and touch the silver loop, running my fingers over it. His reaction is more than I expected. He cries out my name as his knees begin to buckle. In less than a heartbeat, I have him in my arms and gently lower him to the bed. 

He breathing quickens when I straddle his hips and begin to undo his belt. But as I unfasten the button and start to pull down his zipper, his hand grabs hold of mine and I freeze. I suddenly sense his unease as he looks away from me. 

I remove my hands from his pants and sit back on the bed. _Oh no,_ I think to myself, _he's changing his mind._

"I'm sorry, Blair. I thought that you wanted this, too." I'm about to slid off the bed when his hand touches my shoulder, stopping me. 

"No, Jim. You don't understand. I do want this; I want you. It's just that..." 

"What, Chief?" 

When he doesn't continue, I turn to look at him. His head is down and he's staring at the bed, fingers worrying at a lose thread on the blanket. 

"Look, I know something is bothering you; I can sense it." He shakes his head and is about to protest when I cut him off. "Chief, you of all people should know that you can't lie to a Sentinel. So, tell me what's wrong. Trust me." 

Even though he's never said anything to me, I know that Blair does not trust easily. But I also know that I'm one of the lucky few that he allows himself to trust unconditionally. My last two words seem to have the effect I wanted. His head snaps up and those beautiful blue eyes find mine. 

He takes a deep breath before quietly answers, "I-I've never done this before. Never gone, you know, all the way. With a man, I mean." 

I'm momentarily stunned, but finally my brain kicks back in. I hesitantly ask, "But, what about you and Nick. I thought that the two of you..." I can't continue because just the thought of Blair being intimate with Nick or any other man infuriates me. 

"That's just it, Jim. I couldn't go through with it. You are the only man I trust and love enough to give this part of myself to. I want you to be my first and my last. But I'm not exactly sure what to do here." His hands motion between the two of us. 

A knot forms in my throat, making me unable to speak, so I reach out and pull him to me, hugging him tightly to my chest. "Everything is going to be fine, Chief. I know what to do. We'll take it slow and if at any time you feel uncomfortable, we stop. Okay?" 

I feel him nod. "Okay," he agrees. Just when I think I'm about to get away with it, Blair pulls back slightly and stares up at me. "Wait a second. What do you mean you know what to do? You've... you've been with men before?" 

Never again will I keep anything from him, so I answer honestly, "Yes. But I haven't been with a man in a long time. Not since Vice. Then you came into my life. I fell in love with you and you were the only man I wanted to be with. And I know what you're thinking, and the reasons for not telling you are the same as yours. I didn't want to do anything to ruin our friendship and I didn't want to lose you. I love you, Chief." 

"I love you, too, James." 

The tone of his voice is so sensual that it causes a warm shiver to run up my spine. "God, Blair, I love it when you say my name like that." 

"Make love to me." Blair's voice is husky, warm and inviting, and I know there is no way I can refuse him. 

Gently, I lie him back down on the bed and cover his body with mine. I claim his mouth, licking and nibbling around the edges. When I feel his lips part, I push my tongue in and begin a thorough exploration of his mouth and my taste buds explode. Never in my wildest fantasies did I imagine Blair tasting this good. If not for Blair's hands massaging up and down my back, I know I would have been lost in a major zone out. It still amazes me how just a touch of his hand or a softly whispered command can pull me out of any zone, no matter how deeply I'm lost. 

I kiss and lick my way across his cheek and down his neck, taking time to suckle and play with the pierced ear. "You have no idea what you do to me, do you?" I whisper. The only response I get is a low whimper and Blair's hips pushing up into mine. "Alright, Chief." I chuckle deeply as I sit up. 

This time when I start to pull his zipper down, I monitor his emotions. I'm thrilled to sense that the previous anxiety has been replaced by excitement. I reach down and remove his socks, then slowly slide his jeans and boxers down his legs, throwing them to the floor with the rest of his clothes. 

I pause briefly to allow my eyes to rake over his beautiful compact body. My breath quickens when I gaze at his balls and penis. I close my eyes for a second, breathing in the aroma of my guide. His smell is sweet like vanilla and musky like sandalwood. When I open my eyes again, I notice Blair is shyly watching me; his face slightly flushed from blushing. I would never have thought that this free spirited man would be shy about being naked. 

Then suddenly the shyness is gone and with a gleam in his eye, he points to my boxers. "You, too." 

I smile seductively, and then slid off the bed. Slowly, I lower my boxers, revealing only an inch at a time. Blair sits up leaning on his elbows as he watches me. His mouth drops open when he catches sight of my arousal, and then he sexily licks his lips. 

"Oh man, Jim, you're incredible." He smiles approvingly. 

Suddenly, I'm overwhelmed with this ache to touch him, so I crawl back across the bed and once again cover Blair's body with my own, loving the way we fit together so perfectly. When our dicks come into contact, we both moan loudly and begin to frantically push against each other. 

Before I'm taken over the edge, I grab hold of Blair's hips to stop the motion. "Wait..." I pant. "Wait, Blair." 

"W-what's wrong?" 

"If we keep this up, it'll be over before we even get started." I laugh. "Let's take things a bit slower." 

His voice is full of laughter when he replies, "Okay. But, man, that felt fantastic." 

"I gotta agree with you there, Chief." I caress his face, and once again take possession of his mouth. 

I slowly trail my fingers through his chest hair until I find the nipple ring. As I begin to twist it gently between my fingers, he moans loudly and arches up into my touch. I suddenly have the desire to see what effect it would have if I use my mouth. I remove my lips from his, then move down to latch onto his hardened nub and gently begin to suck. 

"James!" Blair cries out in pleasure. He grabs tightly onto my head, arching his back off the bed. I love what this is doing to Blair but I don't want him to come too soon, I'm definitely not finished savouring him yet. So I switch to concentrate on the neglected nipple, nipping and lapping until it too becomes a hardened peak. 

I use my hands to caress his body; I want to know every inch of him by the time I'm through. Licking my way down his chest to his bellybutton, I pause, swirling my tongue around his navel, and cataloguing the flavour. I continue lower until I reach his pubic hair and I'm about to go lower when I feel Blair tense ever so slightly. 

"Just relax," I gently reassure him and instantly I feel his body calm. 

When I dip down to kiss the tip of Blair's penis, I feel the shudder that flows through him. I place my nose into his curly hair and deeply inhale the scent of his arousal. I'm so hard I swear I could come from just this smell. I want to taste him so badly that I don't waste anymore time. I lap at his balls, enjoying the texture of the soft skin, and then slowly lick my way up his shaft. 

Blair's heartbeat is thundering in his chest and his breathing is nearly uncontrollable. I hear him mumbling something under his breath, but I have to dial up to hear what he's saying. "yesjimyesjimyesjim". I take that as a good sign and completely engulf his cock into my mouth in one quick smooth motion. Blair screams out my name and thrusts up off the bed, so I swiftly grab hold of his hips and pin them down. Slowly, I begin to suck, running my lips up and down his shaft, using my tongue to swirl around the head of his cock. When I feel like I have brought Blair as close to the edge as possible, I pull back, causing a groan of protest from Blair. 

Looking up, I can hardly believe the incredible sight laid out before me. Blair's cock is fully erect, glistening with my saliva and dripping with pre-cum. His hands are tightly clutching the sheets, and his body is slick with sweat. His head is arched back, hair splayed wildly around his face. His lips are partly open and he's panting loudly. I can honestly say that he is the most erotic creature I have ever seen in my entire life. And he's mine now... forever! 

"Blair," I quietly call to him. When his eyes open to meet mine, the passion I see in them nearly makes me weep. With a gentle smile, I continue softly, "I need to get you ready now. Can you turn over for me?" 

The little nymph grins seductively at me then quickly turns onto his stomach, wiggling his butt, then opening his legs he exposes himself to me. When I loudly suck in my breath, I hear him laugh quietly into the pillow. "Oh Chief, you're going to pay for that one," I chuckle. Playfully I slap his butt causing him to laugh even more. 

I reach to the bedside table and open the drawer to retrieve the lube. Sitting back down, I drop the tube on the bed next to us. I begin to run my hands across his shoulders, down his back, then back up his sides, causing my guide to laugh lightly and wiggle. His buttocks catch my eye and I'm drawn to the soft mounds. I gently massage them, slowly inching my fingers towards the tiny pucker. Blair's little moans are driving me crazy, so I know I have to hurry things along. 

I continue my caress with one hand while I retrieve the lube with the other. Pulling the cap off with my teeth, I squeeze a small amount into Blair's crack. I can hear his heart pick up speed and he's trying to regain control of his breathing. I lean over his back and whisper into his ear, "Just remember, Chief, if there's anything you don't like, we stop." 

Blair pushes up on his elbows and turns his head so our lips meet. For a few wonderful moments he kisses me passionately. "I love you so much, Jim." Once again the love in his voice renders me speechless. "Now, get on with it." He wiggles his eyebrows then lies back down. 

Laughing, I place a quick kiss to his temple. I begin to massage his ass, then I spread one of Blair's legs to the side. Slowly, I dip one finger into his lubed crevasse, seeking the heated pucker. Blair trembles when I run my finger back and forth across the hole. "One finger, Chief," I warn him. Carefully, I press my finger into his opening and it slides in easily. As I slowly pump my finger in and out, my hand shakes with the need to move faster, but all the meditations that Blair has taught me help me to keep some level of control. I want my cock to be sliding in and out of him so badly, but there's no way in hell I'll take a chance of hurting him, so I continue at the slow pace with my finger. 

Blair's body is shaking more and more and with a deep breath, he exhales loudly, "Oh, man, J-J-Jim." 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah... Oh, yeah... man, I never thought it could feel this good." 

I place a kiss in the middle of his shoulders. "It gets even better," I tease. 

I snag the tube of lube and coat two of my fingers. "Alright, two fingers now." It's a little tighter than with just one, but my fingers penetrate him without much effort. _God, I hope he accepts my cock this easily._ Blair's body seems to adjust quickly to the invaders. I wait a few seconds, then scissor my fingers, twisting them back and forth. At the same time I pump them in and out, stretching him, getting him ready for me. _For me!_ I search with one of my digits for the sweet little nub within him, and when my finger brushes against it, Blair screams my name and trembles. Quickly, he rises to his knees and pushes his hips back onto my fingers. 

"More! More! Do it again...!" he begs me. 

I brush his prostate two more times and it causes him to shake violently. 

"Oh God... Jim!" 

I can sense that he's close to coming so I still my movements. With my free hand I tenderly message small circles on his back to help calm him. "Shhh... Easy, Chief. Just relax for a second." 

When his heartbeat and breathing come down a couple of levels, I remove my fingers from his center, wiping them on the sheets. "Turn back over for me; I want to see your face when we make love." His breath hitches slightly as he turns onto his back. 

I close the distance between us so we are chest to chest and we claim each other's lips. One of Blair's hands caresses my back as the other rakes through my hair. I love having his hands on me, touching me, caressing my body. This is something I've wanted for a long time. I'm almost tempted to pinch myself to see if this is all a cruel fantasy. When those wonderful fingers begin to massage my erection, my ecstasy soars... there is no way a fantasy can feel this good. 

I reach out and stroke his face with my fingers. "You ready?" 

"Yes," is his simple reply. 

Sitting back on my heels, I snag the lube and coat my aching cock. I take hold of Blair's legs behind his knees, bending them, and spreading them wide. The sight of his waiting hole is almost my undoing and I have to clutch the base of my cock to stop from coming. We are both breathing heavily when I finally place the head of my penis at his opening. 

"This may feel a bit uncomfortable at first. Tell me if it's too much." 

"I want this... don't... don't stop!" he growls. 

"Blair, I need to know you'd say something." 

"Okay...okay... I'd tell you... I totally trust you." I'm briefly stunned by the deep trust in his voice, but Blair's squirming and pleading snap me out of it, "Jim! Jim... Come on,man... move!" 

Carefully, I start to push against the tight muscle until it gives and I slide in a bit further. Each time I hear Blair gasp and tense, I stop until his body accepts me. Little by little I slide in until I'm there... all of me... inside Blair. The feeling is indescribable and when I look deep into his eyes, I know he feels the same thing. There is no need for words to be exchanged; the connection that sizzles between us is powerful. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love Blair right now. 

Once I feel that he's ready, I start to move. Slowly at first, gently sliding almost all the way out then thrusting back in again. When I sense that my movements are beginning to change from pain to pleasure for him I begin to thrust harder and faster. Blair is moaning and crying out my name, matching my thrusts, and we continue at a steady rhythm. 

I reach down and grasp Blair's erection, causing a cry of pleasure to rip from between his lips. I want us to come together so I wait until I sense that Blair is very, very close, then throw up my dial for touch, knowing that I won't get lost in these incredible sensations as long as Blair is here. I thrust faster and faster, deeper and deeper, and when Blair's passage tightens around my cock, I scream his name and fill him with my seed, claiming him as mine. 

"Jim!" Blair cries out my name as he comes, spurting his hot semen across my hand and his chest. I collapse on top of him, careful not to crush him with my weight. 

The smell of our lovemaking surrounds me, delighting my senses. I will never, ever forget this; our first time together. It will be forever imbedded into my memory. 

When our breathing evens out, I lift up slightly to look at my love-ravished guide. 

He slowly opens his eyelids to reveal passion-filled eyes. "Hey," he whispers. 

I tenderly brush away sweaty hair from his face with my fingers. "Hey." 

Blair closes his eyes for a second, then a loving smile spreads across his beautiful face. "That was so amazing, Jim. Thank you." 

"You're welcome and you were pretty amazing yourself. I want it to always be like this between us." I nuzzle Blair's neck before enjoying a long leisurely kiss. "You're my heart, Blair." 

Blair tenderly cups my face with his hand, his eyes shinning up at me with more love than I could have ever imagined. "God, I love you, Jim. I always have and always will." 

When I notice his eyelids begin to close heavily with post-lovemaking drowsiness, I carefully pull out of him. I kiss his soft lips once more before gently flipping us over so he's lying across my chest with his head pillowed on my shoulder. 

Lovingly, I brush my fingers through his hair until I feel his body relax. "Sleep well, Chief," I whisper. 

As I watch Blair sleeping in my arms, looking so young and vulnerable, a rush of protectiveness washes over me. At this exact moment, I know that I will never let him go. Not for anything or anyone. He belongs to me just like I belong to him. 

Blair believes that his role as guide is not important; that it's the sentinel who's important, who's in control and who leads the tribe. For once I can say that he is wrong. If the truth be told, it's the guide that has all the power because no matter where Blair goes, I'll gladly follow. He's the one who controls my life and he's the one who's in the lead. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

17 

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End Inside My Heart by Ankaree: ankaree@hotmail.ca

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Disclaimer: _The Sentinel_ is owned etc. by Pet Fly, Inc. These pages and the stories on them are not meant to infringe on, nor are they endorsed by, Pet Fly, Inc. and Paramount. 


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